“When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses.” ~Joyce Brothers

Do you know how hard it is to get one’s family in one place? Especially when all the children are already grown up? The picture on the left is my family. That’s me in the middle. That’s the latest family picture we have and to be quite honest I can’t remember when we took the previous one before that picture.

How about you? What’s your family story?

My parents are both old fashioned Filipinos. They believe that the father is the boss and should support the family. The mother supports the father and even if she graduated summa cum laude and lands the top 1 position in the bar or boards or any licensure examinations, she should quit her job if it means staying home with the kids. Yeah you read it right. I wondered about that. What’s the use of Mama always telling us to do well in school and Papa saying we should not depend on the men to support us? Kinda ironic..

Rafi and I talked about our families. In his family, both of his parents are liberal minded. They trust him to do what is right and they believe that how they brought him up will be enough to justify his actions.For example regarding going out on dates or gimmicks. If Rafi stayed out late, he can stay at a friend’s house especially if it is unsafe for him to go home at that hour. In my case, gimmicks and dates can’t last past beyond a time when i can’t come home. Mama expects that I will be escorted home no matter how ungodly the hour may be and that whoever escorted me home will have to go home by himself.

Rafi and I already promised to finish our studies before we even think about marriage. Even without our families telling us to do that, we know that education is really important. I also made a promise to Mama that i will remain a virgin until my wedding night. It is still not enough. Mama still won’t allow me to stay at Rafi’s house even if i say i sleep in the same room with his sister and even if it is already way past the safe hour to go home. Sometimes i wonder if Papa and Mama’s rules apply only because me and my siblings are girls. They specifically said that as long as we still have our Papa’s surname, we have to obey Papa and Mama’s rules.

There are many secrets within our family. Some include all members, some are known only to a few. Now looking at my family picture I see two smiling parents and I still wonder what they’re thinking. Are they even proud of me and my achievements (or lack of it)? Why are they still ashamed of my sister? When can my other sister tell our parents what’s happening in her life? Why is it too hard to tell our parents what we’re thinking? Why do I feel i’m going to be judged before I can even speak?

Too many questions and I don’t know the answers right now. When I become a parent a few decades from now, I wonder if I will know the answers.